When I win the lottery....

 Winning the lottery such an easy cliché to get caught up in. Of course, you'd make your family so happy, dishing out wads of cash to them. There's the 'I'd never work again' camp and the 'I'd HAVE to keep working camp'. How often have you heard "all I want is a nice house and a car, holidays every year". or "I'd like to die knowing my family are comfortable"?  Whenever I hear that I imagine a bed made from cushioned banknotes, and a smiling couple floating into it.

I'm not about to pretend I don't ever crave financial security or affluence, but I rarely buy a lottery ticket. When I do buy one, I behave like an excited child, can't wait for the draw to start and sit with ticket in hand expecting to win. I assume every number under 50 which catches my eye during the week is a 'sign'. That reduced yoghurt is calling me, look at the yellow sticker it's beckoning me, 39p. Thirty-nine. I can hear the lottery voice-over man saying it, to me. Numbers will jump out at me all week, I'll jot them down, tap them into my phone and feel a force is guiding me. I'll also do a couple of lines with similar numbers above and below, because it's so frustrating when those numbers are close. Then I lose, and feel cheated, rip the ticket and vow not to torture myself again.

Nobody 'deserves' to win the lottery in my mind. OK, it would be great if it was always won by 'lovely' people who are kind, a bit pathetic and don't have much, of course. However, I just LOVED it when Michael Carroll won. Why did people get so angry? He bought a ticket, his numbers matched the ones on the balls that night so he won millions. Did it make him happy? No it didn't, on the contrary he's even quoted as saying "I wish I'd never won."

I know a lady whose uncle won £1.5 million on the national lottery. His wife didn't do the usual numbers that day because she was in a rush. His wife was also dying. When they won she insisted they move, she'd never liked the house as it was his family home and it never felt 'hers'. They moved, helped their kids out. She died. The kids fell out. He's sad and lonely in a house he doesn't like. I'm not saying that's typical, but a sad example, and the only one I know of personally.

If money was the answer to so may problems, there would be more people becoming entrepreneurs, surely. I hope if you ever win, you give loads to charity, because otherwise the guilt will destroy you, won't it? And you have to start dressing from head to toe in new clothes which look like THEY are wearing YOU. Those family members you never really liked much (and the feeling was mutual)? You'll all get on just great. Fancy holidays, nice car, new house with all brand-new stuff in it with no memories and history attached? Lovely. And when you go to bed at night, what will you dream about?  Please let me know....