Friday, 17 August 2012

The Itchy and Scratchy Show

I write my blog posts on the smallest, crappest piece of equipment. It doesn't even belong to me; it's Liam's.
Liam reclaimed the Netbook recently, mainly to watch videos on YouTube showing how to teach your Gerbil tricks.

Liam saved his pocket money (heavily subsidised by his paternal grandfather, who 'slips' him £20 notes  regularly) to buy a a cage and two Gerbils. 
I agreed to let him have them with the age old warning "you'll have to clean the cage and look after them".
Itchy and Scratchy are vile creatures. They smell like charity shops used to; of dried wee, greasy hair and dirty bottoms. One Gerbil spends the day trying to scratch a tunnel through the cage, the other hides, like some kind of neurotic, agoraphobic old lady who only eats Nairn's oatcakes, apples and runny yoghurt.

I watch the desert creatures and feel pity for them, despite all their needs being met, it just doesn't seem right that they live under a fine mist of Lynx in a metal and plastic enclosure. Pink eyes seem to focus on mine every now and then. I melt. What is is about us humans, we HAVE to humanise animals. "Aw, the little one is so clever, the big one is wild, he loves to play". 

What do I find myself doing at 11pm the other night? Why, fashioning an ad-hoc activity centre for the Gerbils from items in the recycling bag (toilet roll tubes and small boxes). "Look Liam, they LOVE it!". All I need to do now is create a little coffee shop for them, and make some bow ties and...a sports car, all pets need a sports car. If only I'd kept my Barbie's Ferrari, they'd look great in that sporting mirrored shades and maybe a sun visor. 

The 'summer' holidays feel strange owing to the absence of summer. I baked bread and cakes with the boys today. It poured with rain solidly and the curtains were drawn early.
Trips into town are 'in and out' events. I did hear a good line last week though, I'm never switched off;

"I'm not being funny love, but why order a full English if you don't fucking like pork?"


Maybe September will be warm, I'll be blogging regularly and commenting regularly. Stranger things have happened..

Bye for now...