Friday, 15 July 2011

Honestly, I don't mind

Despite the often overly-dramatic descriptions of my emotions, I'm quite calm and level-headed (I think).
If I've ever been praised at work, it's been along the lines of "you're so patient, you let everything go over your head."

There lies the problem, I DO let everything go over my head, thus never get the chance to dwell, contemplate and digest situations. So, when a friend rings me during the busiest time of the day - family 'rush hour' (3.30 - 4.30) just to harp on about the Next sale and my mum-in-law bombards me with requests to fill her in on the proposed minutiae of her visit next week... I just let it all go over my head.

I do not buy new clothes, therefore have no desire to buy a reduced item of clothing for £12.99 instead of £24.99. I procrastinated in the charity shop earlier because the price label threatened to make my eyeballs bleed  - £3 - three whole English pounds for a gorgeous vintage St Michael's dress, can I really spoil myself THIS much?

As for proposing an itinery for next Tuesday, well, forget it. I'd barely decided what we were having for dinner, haven't bought presents for the party we're attending tomorrow - next Tuesday is an age away.

So, I carry on with the dinner; pack my eldest's weekend bag, separate the fist fights my younger 2 are in the habit of, and muddle on.

I receive more text messages;  my running partner wants to know what time I'll knock her door (er, how does "I don't know" sound?).
Another friend texts to ask if I'm still up for a night out with her and her sisters tomorrow (er, forgot I said I was up for it in the first place  - I'll get back to you).

No wonder people either think I'm laid back, or get a bit cheesed off at my indecision.  Ask me ANY question and you can guarantee I'll say "I don't know" or "I don't mind".

The PROBLEM is when all these things happen at once. Like this evening. My brain tells these questions to go away. The questions keep coming, I can no longer hide, I approach meltdown - sensory overload.
 What do I do? Let off steam as soon as my OH gets home from work.  I turn into someone I despise. "She said this and I said that and I turned around and said this....." A whole hour of it. Poor sod.

Sometimes I wish I had a day like a child, I get dressed by someone, fed, taxi-ed around and put to bed.  Are you one of life's decision makers, with firm opinions? Or always on the fence?


  1. I used to be indecisive, now.........well I’m not so sure...... Seriously though, I’m a decision-maker. Sometimes people unkindly refer to me as a ‘control freak’. Garrrr! I hate that phrase. I just don’t like surprises. I am able to delegate, honestly, as I couldn’t have run my school single-handedly, and I readily acknowledge the role that everyone has to play, it’s just that if the buck stops with me then I believe that I should have the final word. Having said all that I have always listened to what others have to say before reaching my decision, and sometimes I have changed my views when a reasonable argument or case is put forward, so I’m not rigidly set in my ways.

    My dear old Dad drives us all up the wall, as he has difficulty making a decision about some of the smallest things. Asked if he’d like to go out for a ride/to lunch/to watch the news, or whatever, he replies, “I’m in your hands dear.” When asked what he’d like to drink he says, “Whatever you’re having.” so my husband recently said; “Well I’m having milk!” in exasperation. Next time he opted for G&T.

    Don’t be too hard on yourself, it’s just that you have other priorities and your energies are rightly directed towards running the home and caring for a your family. And it’s quite OK to let off steam to OH long as he has a turn as well :)

  2. Your dad sounds like me. We would have worked well together, Little Nell. I'm not the kind of person (in the workplace) who'll sit twiddling their thumbs as they gaze at obvious tasks. I did find though, that the teachers I had the best rapport with were the ones who liked to set out specific objectives for the staff.
    I enjoy Clare's company (mentioned in a previous post) because she IS a control freak (writes a list of lists to write) and is happy to organise every detail when we get together. It's such a treat to have free brain space.

  3. I read once that indecision is the key to flexibility so there-or there or perhaps there?

  4. I pretty much know what I want - and can and do make very fast, firm decisions.

    And I have very strong opinions about most things but I generally keep them to myself - even my husband only gets edited versions of what I think and feel in some situations.

    But that's because I usually can't be bothered to debate and argue - it's so tedious and boring.

    When you know what you want/think/believe and state it clearly you set yourself up for arguments and oh boy i have not got the energy for all that these days. If someone thinks A and I think D then oh well that's fine by me - but most people get upset and try to change your mind and get their point across and really, do I care that we differ? No.

    So it might look as if I sit on a fence and am indecisive or lacking opinions but the truth is I choose not to voice them.

    Having said all that, if I really do not want to do something then I won't and cannot be moved at all. No matter what tantrums ensue.

  5. For some things, like music, films, books and food, I have strong opinions. For lots of other things though I sit on the fence for a good while until I have made up my mind. But then I'll come to a similar point at a later date and make a different decision. I think some of it comes from reading too much(if that is possible) and being able to see another's point of view. It's not that I feel neutral about things, but rather that my feelings (and decisions) change sometimes with the weather.

    I feel a great deal of ambivalence about where I work and where I live. And my fence sitting is stopping me from doing something about it! Grrr. Option Paralysis is the term, I think.

  6. Like Genius I have strong opinions on music, books, films or clothes but ask me which pub I want to go to, whether I want real ale or bottled beer or what I want for tea and I'm completely clueless. I know it's irritating and that the world's not going to come to a grinding halt if I make the wrong decision but I just can't help myself.

  7. Im one of lifes decision makers - having to as hubby is so indecisive. I used to be 'i dont mind' with friends to be polite but since being a parent and having other more important things in life I now tell them what I think ;o) Scarlett x

  8. Definitely a decision maker - even if I make most of those with my eyes closed, just hoping for the best.
    Many seemingly contrariant decisions can always be offset with profuse apologies and a pinch of understanding around you.
    Also, Next sale - used to work there, 4.30am starts, shudder xx

  9. I really don't understand the Next sale, you still get Next clothes right? Just a bit cheaper? I'd queue from 5am for 90% off a Mulberry handbag, but polyester work clothes and kids long sleeve tops advertising their brand? No thanks.

    Anyway, I can make decisions but I'm polite so will often defer to friends if they have a strong desire to do something in particular. I do like to know what 'the plan' is on the whole, but equally can't map out every second.

  10. Yes, the life of a child (or indeed a man) would be bliss occasionally. I'm a decision maker; prefer to be independent and not have to expect someone else to run my life for me.



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