I have a confession to make. During the wet, cold miserably grey days this past fortnight, I have succumbed to the horror of daytime TV.
For 3 days each week, I looked after my niece and left the TV on from The Jeremy Kyle Show, through to This Morning and then, horror of horrors Loose Women.
For those not familiar with these shows (don't live in Britain; too educated/middle class/got better things to do [like, work]) I'll try to briefly explain the formats of these shows...
The Jeremy Kyle Show - short-arsed former gambling addict, Kyle, uses his narcissism and overblown self-righteousness to deride, ridicule, anger and embarrass unfortunate people.
Kyle's guests are usually unemployed, young, have poor communication skills and zero self-esteem.
This Morning - 'national-treasure' Philip Schofield and 'the girl everyone wants to be' Holly Willoughby, pretend to be interested in a variety of has-beens/minor celebrities' latest book or project (I'm looking at you, Denise Van Outen and Terry Wogan).
They talk about the soaps, taste a meal cooked by a celebrity chef (it's always 'gorgeous' or 'amazing') and a fashion expert will host a feature on this season's MUST HAVE dresses/shoes.
"This costs just fifty-two nine-nine".
"This costs just fifty-two nine-nine".
What's wrong with 'ninety-nine?'
Loose Women - OK, my blog name is a take on the phrase - I apologise.
Four women off the telly discuss topical news items, let minor celebrity guests promote things, and offer 'hilarious' insights into life.
The four women 'celebrity' hosts will invariably be very sarcastic about men, look past their best, and are inexperienced regarding the topics they discuss. Like Kyle, they'll be brimming with a sense of self-importance:
"I'd NEVER choose drugs over my kids"
Maybe, but you'd get your jugs out on a low budget reality show in a pool with a bloke half your age?
"I'd NEVER choose drugs over my kids"
Maybe, but you'd get your jugs out on a low budget reality show in a pool with a bloke half your age?
Why watch them then? Er, I don't really know...
...I was moved to tears by one story on Jeremy Kyle. Two men met online and got very close over a period of a year.
They met, fell madly and deeply in love (they lived quite a distance from each other) and formed a relationship.
It turned out they were half brothers. The heartbreak, shock and devastation was clear to see:
On This Morning I was fascinated by Tourette's sufferer Jess Thom.
Excuse the Daily Mail Link but you can hear her Radio 4 interview (and the obvious Tourette's symptoms) by clicking on it.
Her website brilliantly celebrates Tourette's Syndrome.
I loved her self-depreciating humour and positive outlook. Despite continuously punching herself in the chest and saying 'biscuit' at least twice in every sentence, she's engaging and articulate (unlike Kyle's usual guests).
Highlights of Loose Women?
Realising there's still a bit of time to enjoy myself before becoming an over-eye shadowed embittered thrice-divorced whining boiler (finger's crossed).
Now I'm intrigued.....what on earth made them even suspect they were related? And why would they go on Jeremy Kyle's show to find out for sure? Whenever it's on TV at work all I can say is 'why would they (whichever inadequate victim is appearing that day) say that? why would they do that?'. I think it's far, far worse than Jerry Springer, which at least had a sense of humour about itself. Kyle is just a self-righteous twat.
ReplyDeleteK xx
I agree Keshling. Having watched the episode though, it did all make sense.
ReplyDeleteIt was only upon being introduced to the dark-haired guy's mother that coincidences about his past and her past began to merge.
The show is a load of shit,but that episode did affect me (maybe I was hormonal).
I could happily live without TV, so why I occasionally watch such tripe is a mystery!
Oh don't get me started. I don't know whether to become intensely angry or just sigh in sad resignation. It is amazing that this drivel is so widely accepted when it is just so exploitative. These people are especially scouted out by producers of the show for their lack of education/teeth/ability to tell they are being ridiculed. Bah! I must admit though that This Morning used to be an occasional guilty pleasure when Fern Britton was still on it! Hangs head in shame ;)
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure a high percentage of the guests go on there just for the hotel stay and kudos - look, I'm on TV!
DeleteWhat IS it with the teeth though? Toothpaste and a toothbrush can cost as little as £2 per month, why isn't anyone bothered? They'll have a grands' worth of tattoos, and facial furniture gleaming from their nose, eyebrow, upper lip and tongue, but the teeth are like a neglected graveyard. Awful.
I wonder if Phil preferred Fern fat?
Oh Luce, that clip is so sad. I hate J. Vile with avengeance, he is such a self-serving, shouty, patronising twat. I can stand some bad telly, but I can't tolerate him, I'm afraid. This Morning and Loose Women, I used to watch a lot, but haven't much lately. It's all so middle-of-the-road and unquestioning. Cheap telly, cheap opinions.
ReplyDeleteOver-eyeshadowed whining boiler? I think you just described me.... But at least I'm not on TV!
PS. Thank you! The PO depot staff loved your packaging! And I love my pressie! xxxxxx
Curtise - you will never be a boiler. You can whine all you like, plaster your lids in powder-blue shadow, but you'll always be too cool to be a boiler. Middle of the road and unquestioning, maybe that's what I need sometimes.
DeleteI prefer the likes of Bargain Hunt and Cash in the Attic myself.
ReplyDeleteI'm usually in a coma by the time those shows come on. And jealous of people who have items other than a broken wardrobe, bag of tinsel and mini snooker table in their attic.
DeleteI'm with Loo, obviously because of my obsession with stuff, TV programs about more stuff attract my attention. Though I could go on about Cash In The Attic "Look I've found this necklace my grandmother gave to me on her death bed, how much do you think it's worth?" Then I laugh at their disappointed greedy faces. Look on youtube for the Jeremy Kyle "at the end of the day" video, you'll never take the phrase seriously again!
ReplyDeleteI hate Loose Women - there was a great Adam and Joe version.
It will also come as no surprise to hear that a friend who was a runner on Kyle told me they were instructed to wind the guests up beforehand.
Next time, I recommend the ultimate Middle class pleasure - Radio 4 extra - comedy, drama, info, it's so much better! xxxxxx
I doubt Kyle's guests take long to 'wind up'. I'd like to be the person who brings the tissues on stage.
DeleteI tend to switch my brain on to standby mode during the childcare hours. I'll have the odd daydream, but I like to listen to radio 4 alone in peace.
Do you remember "style challenge" and "water colour challenge"?! bring those back!
Deleteooh and in response to your comment on my blog, where in S Wales do you live? Talking of family, half my Dad's were from Blaina. Sorry to make you sad with my depressing poem and music! xxx
I remember both very well! Watercolor challenge used to be a lifeline when Liam was a baby and I was bored shitless.
DeleteThe best programme in recent years to guide me through a mid-afternoon stupor was 'Cleanaholics'. It just followed the cleaning routine of various mild OCD sufferers. Trust me, it was brilliant. I used to feel like cleaning the house after watching it.
I'd better shut up now, I sound like a telly addict!
Hello Lucy:
ReplyDeleteWe trust that you will not label us in any way for knowing nothing of these programmes [we have not had a television for over thirty years], but also for having no interest in them. But we do have a keen interest in 'Being of Sound Mind'!!
Our lives are far to full simply being 'lazy tarts'!!
I will label you - SENSIBLE.
DeleteTV is no good for us, I never watched it when I lived alone and worked full time. I feel very guilty for watching it now.
If you are 'lazy tarts', then goodness knows what that makes me!
OK I was nosy enough to watch the clip and it confimed what I already thought (see everyon else’s comments). Shows like this which ritually humiliate people for the pleasure of the viewing public make me want to to shout at the TV. Why must the camera linger on the victims’ faces and why follow them out into the corridor when they were trying to get away, like some taunting bully who follows his victim all the way home?
ReplyDeleteI suppose the only way to defend these shows (if, like me you're sad enough to watch occasionally) is by accepting that the guests 'entertain' the public and that is the payment they make for the 'help' they get with their drug/anger/communication and family problems.
Deletei shall be conducting auditions for a jeremy kyle type show at prince's on wednesday at oh nine thirty ... i'll be wearing a mexican hat and a false moustache
ReplyDeleteI'll bring the comedy teeth, baggy leggings, entourage of supportive family members on benefits and, at the end of the day, we'll draw a line in the sand and move on (Kyle always says those things).
Deletethe same sand that gets in your candy floss at barry island
DeleteThat clip is just so sad. I loathe JK...I can't stand the sight of him. I do have a soft spot for Gordon side kick Philip,and Jess Thorn is absolutely brilliant. What a total star.
ReplyDeleteLoose Women...Denise Welch's menopause show from what I can tell.
Have a top weekend, lovely.
xxxxxx
Ha ha, she does seem to be unravelling - think I'd behave like her if I was famous though!
DeleteI do wonder if JK knows he's a total arsehole really, and woulod that make it better or worse? Hard to decide.
I too have to confess to a penchant for Jeremy Kyle, the story you mentioned would have moved me to tears I'm sure. Its a direct link into the tangled web that we can sometimes unknowingly weave for ourseleves and helps me to be humble about how uncomplicated my own life is, Kat x
ReplyDeleteThat is the appeal, knowing that some people struggle to live a life without constant conflict, stress, heartache, chaos and deprivation. It's always during buts of Melancholia I watch the show. Once the weather picks up and I feel better, I'll give the show a wide berth ('til winter)
DeleteJeremy Kyle kept me sane during my post-operative funk. No matter how miserable, plain, bloated and crippled I felt the guests always managed to make me feel a bit better about myself although it's rare I watch it these days. I'd probably have cried over those brothers, too.
ReplyDeleteDid you see this episode? One of Walsall's finest:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DLmjplhRMd4
ITV does my head in with the constant ad breaks, I tend to stick to fuddy-duddy old BBC1 with Bargain Hunt & Homes Under The Hammer.
xxx
Mad Dog Deon is my all-time favourite guest! I found myself siding with him during some of his rows with Kyle.
DeleteLike Kat, above, we obviously took something from the show which helped us stop feeling all 'woe is me'.
Dinner Date was a show I enjoyed, but it didn't last. I realised how picky middle-aged single women were about blokes. And how horrible they can be.
Oh god that was dreadful on live television, those poor guys. That is so sad. I engage in my fair share of trash tv at night in the long winter months. I used to love to watch Intervention (a real life story about addicts) but I found after a while it just made me feel bad :( I still do like to watch some cheesy reality TV now and again to just be reminded how utterly stupid people can be, and how I am not and never will be one of them:)
ReplyDeleteLove you Lucy girl!
XOXOX
Krista
Well said! I have abstained from cheesy TV since this post. Go me.
DeleteYou have totally nailed these shows - you should be working alongside Charlie Brooker. The last line about that woman who's always falling over in Heat magazine made me snort!
ReplyDeletexx
***Ta-dah! Tuesday tomorrow - link up your amazing makes, fabulous finds and outrageous outfits!***
Cheers Lakota!
DeleteI think I'm getting a bit too nasty and bitchy though, I must try to be more 'nice'. Any tips?
Oh God, Jeremy Kyle. Absolutely cannot take my eyes off! Hope you're well, been a while! xxx
ReplyDeleteReally good to 'see' you. Be over to gawp at your hair and clothes again in a mo (that sounds creepy - sorry!)
DeleteGo on, get blogging more regularly. This is seriously funny. I love ranters, particularly the cynical kind.
ReplyDeleteI feel no sympathy for anyone who goes on any reality show or whatever these you have mentioned are (daytime TV? Moi? Go away). Silly prats, why would they agree to be ridiculed in front of a TV crowd.
Well,apparently, "any publicity is good publicity".
DeleteDoes that apply to bloggers?
Nice name!
ReplyDeleteAhahaha, You described them perfectly.
ReplyDeleteI love watching This Morning and sometimes watch Loose Women is like "The View in show" in America.
My sisters were asking me about Jeremy Kyle because it is similar to our Jerry Springer show.
Well sisters found it funny that Jeremy Kyle crossed the pond with his tacky shows.
Besos