Sunday, 22 May 2011

Robbie's Trophies

What do you give someone when they do you a small favour? A thank-you card, maybe some flowers of  the £2.99 variety?  20 fags?  Nah, hardly anybody smokes these days. The best plan, a bottle of wine.  Tiny favour, but you may need another one day, so keep 'em sweet. And what does my ever-so-polite partner say when he's handed a bottle of wine after fixing a computer? Why, he says "thank-you very much".
A wine cellar would be a boon, only I doubt the contents would impress Jancis Robinson much. Thing is, he doesn't drink wine. I never want to open a bottle just to sit in front of the TV or browse the internet. I have tried, believe me. I think to myself, "I'll have a glass with my dinner, then another while we watch a film tonight".  This fails, I either end up glugging the whole bottle at record speed, or falling asleep just as the film starts. Alcohol is something I use to boost my confidence, that is all. I can't drink sensibly. Give me a few glasses of wine and I suddenly take on a whole new persona. In my mind, I'm an extremely talented actress, funny, clever, entertaining. This has a mixed reception, and the next day I usually wake with a sense of doom weighing heavily on my chest along with blurred images re-appearing. Images of people trying to back away from me whilst smiling politely and with sympathy. Behaviour like that in the living room with a sober partner trying to watch a film does't work at all.
So, we have 'Robbie's Trophies' as he likes to call them. Ideal to pass on as birthday presents to people who I don't care much about. Ideal to take to dinner parties (if only I got invited). Ideal to hand out as raffle prizes at my middle son's school.
I often daydream about these bottles of wine, and inspired by the film L'argent, imagine scenarios where the wine is passed on and becomes a catalyst for dramatic turns of event.

Would anybody be interested in hearing me explain one of these daydreams? I may start making some stories up about Robbie's Trophies....


  1. My parents aren't much into wine but people don't seem to remember that and so they have a similar set-up going on, passing along the unwanted bottles of plonk to raffles county-wide lol :-P

    The PTA must love you for the generous raffle prizes!

    I for one would be very interested in the daydreams!! :-)

    Jem xXx

  2. I very rarely drink, never at home and due to little social life outside being a mum that means ive been tea total for 20 months - eek!! My heart sinks when i get given a bottle of wine as a pressi (my works fave xmas gift to everyone) would much rather a bit more thought, and yup they get passed on to everyone (or used for a spag bol! lol). Scarlett x

  3. You're making me feel guilty. My bottles never get as far as the front door - I'm afraid I just drink the wine (unless it's really awful, in which case I use it for cooking).

  4. Well you have my sympathy, but, as you may recall from my ‘Are they trying to tell us something?’ post, our family and friends already have us pegged as a right pair of old drunks - hence the jolly greetings cards. You could try pouring a glass of red and sticking the rest in the fridge, so that you aren’t tempted to drink a second glass...but you need to do it after you’ve poured, and before you’ve drunk, the first glass!


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