Sunday 22 May 2011

Robbie's Trophies

What do you give someone when they do you a small favour? A thank-you card, maybe some flowers of  the £2.99 variety?  20 fags?  Nah, hardly anybody smokes these days. The best plan, a bottle of wine.  Tiny favour, but you may need another one day, so keep 'em sweet. And what does my ever-so-polite partner say when he's handed a bottle of wine after fixing a computer? Why, he says "thank-you very much".
A wine cellar would be a boon, only I doubt the contents would impress Jancis Robinson much. Thing is, he doesn't drink wine. I never want to open a bottle just to sit in front of the TV or browse the internet. I have tried, believe me. I think to myself, "I'll have a glass with my dinner, then another while we watch a film tonight".  This fails, I either end up glugging the whole bottle at record speed, or falling asleep just as the film starts. Alcohol is something I use to boost my confidence, that is all. I can't drink sensibly. Give me a few glasses of wine and I suddenly take on a whole new persona. In my mind, I'm an extremely talented actress, funny, clever, entertaining. This has a mixed reception, and the next day I usually wake with a sense of doom weighing heavily on my chest along with blurred images re-appearing. Images of people trying to back away from me whilst smiling politely and with sympathy. Behaviour like that in the living room with a sober partner trying to watch a film does't work at all.
So, we have 'Robbie's Trophies' as he likes to call them. Ideal to pass on as birthday presents to people who I don't care much about. Ideal to take to dinner parties (if only I got invited). Ideal to hand out as raffle prizes at my middle son's school.
I often daydream about these bottles of wine, and inspired by the film L'argent, imagine scenarios where the wine is passed on and becomes a catalyst for dramatic turns of event.

Would anybody be interested in hearing me explain one of these daydreams? I may start making some stories up about Robbie's Trophies....

4 comments:

  1. My parents aren't much into wine but people don't seem to remember that and so they have a similar set-up going on, passing along the unwanted bottles of plonk to raffles county-wide lol :-P

    The PTA must love you for the generous raffle prizes!

    I for one would be very interested in the daydreams!! :-)

    Jem xXx

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  2. I very rarely drink, never at home and due to little social life outside being a mum that means ive been tea total for 20 months - eek!! My heart sinks when i get given a bottle of wine as a pressi (my works fave xmas gift to everyone) would much rather a bit more thought, and yup they get passed on to everyone (or used for a spag bol! lol). Scarlett x

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  3. You're making me feel guilty. My bottles never get as far as the front door - I'm afraid I just drink the wine (unless it's really awful, in which case I use it for cooking).

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  4. Well you have my sympathy, but, as you may recall from my ‘Are they trying to tell us something?’ post, our family and friends already have us pegged as a right pair of old drunks - hence the jolly greetings cards. You could try pouring a glass of red and sticking the rest in the fridge, so that you aren’t tempted to drink a second glass...but you need to do it after you’ve poured, and before you’ve drunk, the first glass!

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