Tuesday, 17 April 2012

Motherhood - questions answered

 I was tagged, by Sarah to answer questions on motherhood in a meme.

Despite all my whining, I genuinely like children, and always have. Not just mine, or my relatives'.  I like naughty children and cheeky children too, which is a good job.

My boys are; Liam - nearly 13,  Ricky - 4, and Sonny - 3


Describe Motherhood in three words


A beautiful nightmare

Does your experience differ from your mother's? How?


Yes, quite a lot. My parent's first child, a daughter, drowned when she was 2. Mum was pregnant with me at the time.
My mum was a bit older, had no family around to help, and didn't have many places to go and meet other mothers.
Motherhood seems to bring the same major highs and lows, no matter who you are.


What's the hardest thing about being a mum?


You don't ever know if you're doing it right


What's the best thing?


When they go  to bed full-bellied, smiling, clean, and say "goodnight mum, see you in the morning" -  that's when I feel deeply content


How has it changed you?


I went from being an irresponsible lager lout who spent all her wages on clothes and booze, to a   21 year old mum in an awful relationship all within a year. The steepest learning curve imaginable. You realise what you were capable of all along, it's a progression, you grow and change all the time anyway


What do you hope for your children?


That they continue to be so enthusiastic about the world


What do you fear for them?


Illness, addiction, heartbreak, rejection, vile in-laws, obesity, depression, continued global financial crisis....it goes on forever

What makes it all worthwhile?

This





















Please join in, if you want to, of course....



19 comments:

  1. Hello Lucy:
    We have no children ourselves and so we should have no idea how to respond to these questions. However, we have been entranced by reading this post and looking at your pictures.

    What shines through is the love in your children's eyes and that, for us, is the greatest gift that anyone can give or receive!!

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  2. It's always interesting to hear other mothers talk about their experiences. It looks as though you have done really well as a parent especially considering your eye opening initial experience. Your boys all look so happy. I could talk for hours about my experiences and feelings about motherhood. They're pretty diverse in range! The worst thing is that you feel their pain 10 times more strongly than they do and you can't take it away from them. The best things are the simple things. Watching them grow and develop and turn into beautiful, imaginative, intelligent and loving wonderful creatures x

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  3. I can't imagine being a mother at 21, I was so useless and immature! Not much better when I finally did get round to it actually... Always a slow starter, me.
    Ah, it's such a wonderful experience, being a mum, and SOOOO hard!
    Gorgeous photos of your gorgeous boys. Hope their wonderful mum is feeling OK. xxxx

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  4. Oh, I am sure you are a wonderful Mum! What adorable children! (When they want to be, right?) :-)

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  5. A mother at 21 that is pretty crazy Lucy, same with the sad story about your Mum and the little sister you never met. A beautiful nightmare, I think that is very appropriate. I admire you for putting your children first and growing up so fast, it all sounds so difficult and rewarding at the same time.

    The video at the end is so precious, he is a lil love for sure, great hearing your music playing in the background and the climb into your arms melts my heart. You are beautiful.
    Loveyoumomma-
    Krista

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  6. I was waaaay too terrified to have children - and any woman who does it is frickin Wonderwoman in my eyes. Your boys are all absolutely beautiful - and they look so happy and healthy and well loved. Please write more - I could read your musings all day long.

    Sarah xxx

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  7. Thanks for joining in Lucy. What a lovely post. Despite being a tough job, being a mum is truly the best ever. That video of Sonny had me going 'awww bless!' and it was so sweet the way he went to you for a cuddle.

    I'm also impressed at how young you were when you had Liam, and you're obviously a fab mum looking at the photos of happy healthy smiley boys.

    Beautiful stuff. :)

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  8. Little boys are just the best thing ever. I could not imagine being Mum to girls.

    I never really planned to have children but they're here and I love them to bits. Was just saying to my husband yesterday that I am constantly surprised by how hard they can squeeze my heart (there are issues - bad school behaviour issues - with my youngest at the moment so we are having lots of talks about the boys, going round and round in circles and never finding the answers.) Groping in the dark, is how I find parenting to be.

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    Replies
    1. Wendz - I'm having trouble with Liam at school. When I asked at parent's evening what can WE do about it (ie myself, Liam and teachers) to help, there was stony silence! I was struck by how many young, attractive female teachers he had. When I spoke to his no-nonsense maths teacher, there were no behavioural, attitude or concentration issues.
      What IS the answer?

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    2. Lucy, I don’t think it’s the gender of his teachers that’s the problem. I had a staff of all women teachers for years, and whilst some didn’t quite come up to the mark, others were great at dealing with behaviour issues (and there were many). The couple of male teachers I appointed were not strong disciplinarians. It may be a question of leadership. If you feel you are not getting the support, and the reports are varied on your son’s behvaiour (showing he CAN actually behave) then you need to ask for an appointment to see the Headteacher; it’s part of the school’s role to work with parents on this. I don’t mean take on the job of parent, though many would ask us to, but instead to give moral support and practical suggestions as to how school and home can work together. It certainly sharpens the focus if your son is aware that you and the teachers are talking on a regular basis and that sanctions are being put in place (this works well if both parties are committed), targets set and rewards given. The youth of the teachers may be a problem now, but it’s a steep learing curve and if they’re being mentored properly they will develop in time. This is no comfort to you, so the answer you crave Lucy, is make that appointment - and don’t take no for an answer.

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    3. I'm aware my reply to Wendz sounded horribly sexist! I don't doubt the capability of female teachers, of whatever age, to discipline young boys. As you know, my background is in special schools where you'll find at least 80% female staff and the worst cases of challenging behaviour.
      My comment related to puberty, and the shall we say 'distraction' pretty, young ladies may provide to pre-pubescent boys.
      I left the school feeling very frustrated, and vowed to make an appointment to see the head/head of year. I do what I can to motivate Liam and try to instil a sense of pride in his school work. There are complex challenges Liam faces with regards to his fine-motor skills, which I have been concerned about since he was 3 (lots of referrals/assessment - no outcome.Liamfinds handwriting very difficult, his writing is an illegible scrawl, not unlike an infant's. His primary school had an older head who prided himself on insisting the children perfect their script using a fountain pen. It was awful for Liam and a huge deal was made out of the lack of improvement he was making.
      So, at school now, Liam offers the shortest answers and least detail in his written work as writing takes him twice as long as his peers. i have mentioned this countless times, but laziness is ALWAYS hinted at.

      Thank-you for encouraging me to speak to the staff about my concerns, I will make an appointment next week.
      I suppose I was on the verge of 'giving up'. It's been a difficult time, as you can imagine, to discuss things with Liam's dad, but I know he will support my decision to try and help Liam.

      I will let you know how i get on...

      Lucy x

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  9. Your boys are so gorgeous, and cheeky ones are of course the best. I kind of want to keep mine as they are now forever - but at the same time I can't wait until they tower over me, clumping in to the kitchen in their size 9s, deep voiced and now able to reach and raid the cake tin with ease...

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  10. these are great photos! What wonders and troubles lie ahead for me should I have children!

    Thanks for your comment I feel rather tense like I'm on the verge of something exciting but also really really tired. I'm having a week off soon, so that'll help. I'm sorry to lecture you on feeling low and then start myself! Hoping Mr will stick to abstinence but he's unemployed and bored so it'll be tough!!

    I love Paul Klee - his pictures are like Fuzzy Felt - I know it well as it used to be made in the town where I live!


    xxxx

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  11. Your little munchkin boys are the cutest.
    Luce,
    I love the little chicken sleepy head vid and the way he runs to you for a hug.
    Your a great mom amor.I'm sure it can be hard at times ,but so rewarding in the end.
    I want to have at least have one of my own before I turn 40 yrs. I want a little blonde boy with my evil stare.I already have his/her name picked out. My Chiari is a nightmare and always afraid that I wont be able to be there for my future kids. also a possibility that Chiari could get passed on from Mother to child.
    Besios

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  12. Your kids have inherited your good looks haven't they-gorgeous all! So true what you say, it feels good to realise what your capable of when you parent-surviving the 24/7 working week, and the intense love x

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  13. Mum's the word Lucy...I find it incredibly stressful at times, especially now my daughters are teenagers. There are moments though (amidst the screaming, fighting etc) when I remember how lovely it can be, and will be again I'm sure.
    Your description of motherhood "a beautiful nightmare" sums it up, for me anyway, perfectly.
    x

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  14. Really lovely post, especially the pics, and I can't believe that you were a Mum at 21! Respect xx

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  15. Your boys are beautiful, job well done! Being a mum is bloody hard work, not to mention all the worries but so worth it when you see the love in their eyes (Ive taken many a bite recently as we are in that 'stage' but the kisses and cuddles make up for it lol). I however cant imagine doing it all at 21 - I dont think i even felt mature enough while i was pregnant with finley let alone when i have to face the uber mums at nursery who could make anyone feel like a failure!

    I adore the sleepy video. Scarlett x

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Sorry I am having to filter comments at the moment